These are not the rules you would find published in any book in the dating section of the bookstore. These are my rules of engagement for this closure conversation tomorrow.
1. Look fabulous. Why shouldn’t he suffer? Why should I give him the satisfaction of thinking I’m suffering?
2. No crying. After his stories of the many hearts he’s left broken behind him and how his ex-girlfriends always expected he will come back and were devastated when he didn’t–and boy howdy, do I ever have a different hypothesis for that story now–I have no desire to be lumped into that group. Instead I will smile, be pleasant mostly and portray a convincing aura of someone who has used her week to good effect and is well on her way to moving on. It helps that it’s true.
3. No kiss goodbye. Don’t know if he’s planning one, but if he is, sorry.
4. No regrets. I know I made the decision, and he’s going to know that I know that I made the right decision.
5. No arguments. He doesn’t need to agree with my story about what happened, and I don’t need to agree with his.
6. No judgments. Yes he was hurtful and cruel in the way he chose to conduct that conversation. That happens in relationships. It doesn’t make him a completely evil person and I don’t need to cast him in the role of villain for this to be the right decision. He was hurt, he lashed out, and I don’t need to do the same to him.
I have my poetry group tonight. I don’t have a poem yet but I’ll fix that, and be able to bitch over whine to a group of supportive girlfriends about the perfidy of men. That should help. Tomorrow I will run, I will read, I will search for housing in Beyond Bob, I will talk to the Trader, I will almost certainly cry afterwards, and then maybe I will drive down to Beyond Bob and see what I see. It helps that everyone I’ve told about my move so far has had lovely things to say about what they think of the town. Sunday I have brunch with another friend. I will also do groceries. Monday I have off for a doctor’s appointment. Then I will search for a new place in earnest. PP and I need a place to live, pronto.
I’ve all but confirmed the daycare for August, and PP sounds excited about it. A big park! With games, and swimming, and canoeing, and crafts, and ARCHERY. I kid you not. Imagine PP with a bow and arrow. My goodness. I think she will have a great time and maybe meet some kids who live in the area and who can be new good friends.
A week works wonders, Dear Readers.
*ahhhhh* The sigh of relief that I know you’ll be okay.
I like the rules as much as I like the red flags. Good for you!
It’s been one hell of a week, hasn’t it?
That’s one way of putting it.
Ah, sunshine. Good luck.
You can call me, I may even still be up. What time is the conversation? We’re getting dinner with a couple friends at 6 our time, so….
xoxoxo
Thank you.
We’re talking at 2. What’s the time zone difference again? I can’t remember, I’m terrible with these things.
2 hours. So you are probably done now.
xoxo